I don't want to be uncomfortable around you. I don't want to make you uncomfortable around me. Yet I always seem to fall into this black hole where I want to be alone.
Why do I feel this way?
When you try to talk to me or ask me questions I don't answer because I don't want to embarrass myself or offend you. It's easier to not saying anything at all. Yet this offends you. And yet I still seek your approval.
Why do I feel this way?
I seek your approval and your attention in everything that I do. But I want to be left alone , I want to be alone, and I don't want you to know where I am or what I am doing. I haven't turned the ringer on on my phone in over a year. I have the sleep timer on for 20 hours a day so I don't even get notifications....yet I am constantly seeking and desiring your approval.
Why do I feel this way?
I always seem to find something that I can give all my attention to that makes me feel like I feel good. But am I doing it for me or am I doing it for your approval? Yet I want to do it by myself so that I don't feel like you are judging me....yet I am continuously judging myself and telling myself I am not good enough. When I ride my bike, I do it at 4am when you are sleeping and it is dark outside and you can't see me because I don't want to be judged. Yet I demand your approval.
Why do I feel this way?
Why can't I just be me?
Why do I want to be alone?
Why do I always fall down?
Why do I seem to hate myself?
Why can't I be proud of who I am?
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